maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
