my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
