I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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