remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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