I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
