My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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