I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
