He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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