More tranny stories later!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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