3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
