Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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