He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
