Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
