My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
