Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
