I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
