I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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