So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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