sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
