Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
