The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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