Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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