He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
wow bdsm is so cute
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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