I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
