she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize