The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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