you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
