Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize