Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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