It's like God shit irony all over that family
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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