he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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