You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
