how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
