I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
