I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
