You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
