my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
