We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
