Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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