Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dicks are not precious.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
