I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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