I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
