He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
