I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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