my mouth tastes like poor choices
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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