i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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