A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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