Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
