My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
