Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
