a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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