i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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