the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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