Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
