Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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