I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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