During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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