Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize