So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
