i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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