wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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