Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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