my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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