I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
