Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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