She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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