im six kinds of drunk right now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
