I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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